You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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