He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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