just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
