Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize