i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
