Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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