Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
