You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize