did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
