how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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