Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
