What did we do last night that was yellow?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
