After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
