Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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