I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
