At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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