ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize