So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize