I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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