tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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