You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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