the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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