Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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