it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
