This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
