i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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