So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize