mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize