I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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