I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
