he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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