I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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