Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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