I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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