i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
