I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
