you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
