when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
