Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
