You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize