I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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