Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
