bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
