Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
