My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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