Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
