At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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