Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When are your genitals available?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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