you guys were way drunker than both of me
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
