Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
