there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
