Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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