How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
