You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
