he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
