If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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