I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
