if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
