Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
