dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
