When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize