Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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