I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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