Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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