arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize